So, what's on my mind today? Sometimes, it is really tough to put on a happy face. It feels like an act...a forced expression, so that people won't think you are a real downer. I want people to see that joy that is in my heart, but I also want to be real. Because life has real pain. And, because this is a public forum, I can't enumerate some of the things that occupy my mind right now. But, suffering is a part of the human experience. I'm going to spend this week revisiting some respected writings to try to reconcile some of the conflict that I have regarding these emotions.

In the meantime, I have found that the best way for me to manage my sorrow is to realize the joy in serving others. Have you ever just been elated because you know that you have the opportunity to encourage someone? Or, have you ever just found peace and joy in watching your child sleep? These are the moments that take my perspective away from the sorrow and into a heart of gratefulness.


Some updates since my last blog:
1. My sister had her skull tumor removed last Friday. We are grateful it was able to be removed & she is recovering well.

2. My mom's biopsy came back from her thyroid removal. She did have cancer in her thyroid, so we are grateful it is now gone! We are not sure about any additional treatments at this point, but hopefully the clear margins of the tumor will mean little to no additional treatment.

My parents

I was thinking today about how my parents have been married for 34 years. They are so cute because they don't like to be apart. I giggled when they stayed with us for several weeks in February because my mom and I would go to Wal-Mart together. Within 20 minutes, her cell phone would be ringing and Daddy would be asking her what she was doing. After rolling my eyes, I realized how special it is that they WANT to be together.

Jesse's parents have also been married for 34 years (12 days before my parents). They still have a special devotion and understanding of each other. I often giggle with them as well because they remind me so much of my parents.


In fact - check out these similarities.
1. My mom (Joy) and Jesse's mom (Kay) are Baptist pastor's daughters.
2. Jesse's dad (Jesse) and my dad (Buddy) both ran car dealerships early in their careers (and they both still love fast cars).
3. Our dad's mothers are also both widowed for over 10 years (and not remarried) and active in the Methodist church.
4. Kay Lynn and Joy Anne both have 3 letter first names & 4 letter middle names. Jesse and Buddy also are both 5 letter names.
5. They were both married in November 1975.
6. They had similar parenting styles and political views.

Jesse and I are so grateful for our parents and they way we were raised. We might have caused them some grief during our college days. But if you train up a child in the way that they should go, when they are older, they will not depart from it. Thanks, Mom & Dad - both sets of ya!

My mom's surgery was successful as they were able to remove her thyroid. Now, it's recovery time. Swallowing is painful, but hopefully the medicine will help her manage. I am so thankful that all went very well. I had a special co-worker keep me occupied today with some good conversation and some great laughs. I was very thankful.

After taking Connor to the dr for croup & handling two needy kids, I was spent last night and didn't get to the blog. But, my life can't be so interesting that I should do this every day, right?

Tomorrow is my mom's thyroidectomy. The risks for this type of surgery include things such as damage to laryngeal nerves (affecting the voice), damage to the parathyroid glands (serious condition), and excess bleeding or swelling. We are praying for steady hands for the surgeon and an easy recovery for my mom. It hurts so bad to not be able to be there, but she will not be far from my thoughts tomorrow or this weekend.

My sister, Kelly, also will be having surgery, but not until next Friday. Please pray for her as she has an osteoma on her skull that has to be removed due to growth. It sounds terrifying to me, but the doctor assures her that it is relatively routine and minimally invasive.

I feel like I am not a very good daughter or sister by not making a way to go home. I want to go home so badly. But, it has not worked out. Connor can't fly because of his croup & Leah just got over her bronchitis. I feel like my kids need me right now. And, it's just not a smart financial decision because of the need to sell my house in Greenville first. I want to be there to hug them and tell them how much I love them. I want to be able to see for myself that they are doing okay and that everything that they need is taken care of. But, I am going to need to let this go.

My little boy is snuggling and requesting sugars. Ah...I love my momma's boy!!! I am going to need to sign off so I can enjoy this rare moment!

Writing a Novel...

I am thinking about writing a book...a novel, to be exact. The plot centers around a law school student that stumbles upon hidden court evidence that reveals the real story behind the death of the Lindbergh baby. I did a research paper in high school about the Lindbergh baby "abduction" and subsequent death. My research presented a lot of questions about what really happened. I have a theory, but it would have to remain a fictional novel. I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist, but I do want to write about this historical event with a novel twist. I'm really excited to find a creative outlet for the English major that still lives within me.

When am I going to find time? I guess it will be after the kids go to bed. And an hour or two every weekend. But, I just really want to do this. 

Any advice? Would anyone want to read a murder mystery conspiracy novel?

Dr. Seuss

It turns out that our Dallas trip is not until next weekend. I am seriously considering going home this weekend, but I will have to find an amazing flight deal to make it happen. Not to mention, I will need to convince Jesse that he can handle our two kids alone for the weekend. Nevertheless, I am going to do some deal shopping to see if we can make it happen.

My "serious" thought of today...I had a business associate email me the following Dr. Seuss quote today--“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” I think that it is sort of tragic advice on multiple levels. Career sabotage and lost friendships can easily be tracked to insensitive, inappropriate, or simple slips of the tongue. Saying what you feel is great for a counseling session, but in some cases, biting one's tongue really can be the best decision. Silence is sometimes better than anything you could say. I dunno...maybe I should just take it at face value as a cutesy quote. :)

Joyful

I have spent this evening thinking about the difference between happiness and joy. For so long, I have felt "unhappy" about one thing or another. I was unhappy about stupid past mistakes, unhappy that my career path didn't go the way I thought it should, unhappy that no amount of sheer determination could make me the person that I wanted to be.

But that is when God made a change in my heart. A lot of the change occurred when I read the book If God is Good by Randy Alcorn. I HIGHLY recommend reading a chapter a day. :) Anyway, what I have come to understand is the amazing love of God and the glory He deserves. I have found JOY, and this joy comes from trusting God's purpose in each of the events of my life.

I trust Him to continue the work He began in me almost a decade ago. And life is not always happy. I have cried over the losses and failures. But, I have this joy that resonates in my heart because I know that my life is significant to my Father. He cares for me. In this lifetime, I will face suffering and evil because I am a part of the human race. I am a product of the Fall. But, I have the promise of God's presence - today, tomorrow, and forever.

A New Outlet

The past year has brought a lot of changes in our lives. I have found that is amazingly therapeutic to process through all that is going on through blogging. But, I haven't quite been ready to make it a "public" forum. I am learning from reading the blogs of my friends that it is so refreshing to connect in a different way. So, here it goes. I'm making it public.

We had a mini-birthday celebration for Connor today. He loved his cake and his fun new toys. It was wonderful to have our friends and family together. We all know each other from different places and times, but I realized today that we have really wonderful friends. I mean...I always knew it, but I don't think I ever realized how blessed we are to be loved by such extraordinary people.

After the party, I took one of our neighbors some cake. We proceeded to have a delightful 3 hour conversation about some great topics: politics, religion, family, being a working woman, etc. Pam was truly a blessing to me today. I learned that we have so many things in common, but I also recognized that I could learn so much from her. She is brilliant.

This next week is going to be tough. My mom has surgery, and I'm not able to go home. Several months ago, Jesse and I booked a trip to Dallas for the weekend. Jesse is going to the SRT-8 experience. He will be able to drive a Viper and other fast cars. I'm going to take the kids to the zoo if the weather is okay. I don't have the heart to ask Jesse to cancel. I know my dad and sis will take great care of my mom. I'm going to research visiting the next weekend, but things are little tight right now as I am trying to sell my house in Greenville.

But, I have to say that God has been so faithful to cover every need we have had this year. Given the current economic environment, we are especially grateful for our jobs.

Things I am praying for... (won't you join me?):
My mom's upcoming thyroid removal
Another family member's health concerns (appointment this week)
Jesse's mom - multiple myeloma cancer
A college friend - Meredith - and her husband John - John has a brain mass
A co-worker who had to lay her dog to rest on Friday
A co-worker who had a family member die suddenly
Pam & their pending arbitration with Chrysler regarding losing their family's Jeep franchise
Brian's (our home group leader) wife, Joni - radiation for breast cancer
A childhood friend - Jerica & her new addition Ryker - he needs to put on some weight